Thrills and Spills

I’m a thrill-shunner. I actively avoid roller coasters, parachuting, bungee-jumping, and all other manners of jaw-dropping excitement. Although I’m reasonably athletic, none of my sports — running, biking, swimming — is perilous. And I like it like that.

So what the hell got into me taking up the unicycle in the waning stages of my fifth decade?

Mostly ignorance.

I gained inspiration from a man in my age bracket I saw riding a unicycle. It looked like a fun challenge. After watching a few YouTube videos of people less than half my age providing unicycle instruction, I was sold. …

Corporate Humor

Dear Employees,

I’m super-bummed to tell y’all I’m leaving the company. During my nearly two-year gig as CEO, I’ve come to consider each of you like family, especially the few of you whose names I’ve learned.

Even though I’m half some of your ages, I know many of you see me as the company’s papa bear and will feel orphaned without me steering the ship. You know I’m all about my peeps, so I’ll try to imagine your Q’s and provide some A’s.

Q. Why are you leaving, Jason?

A. You all know that a larger company recently purchased us…

Juicy Humor

Not so long ago I was nary a skinny Best Boy tomato seedling, shivering in my capacious 4" diameter pot. Now I’m a robust two-footer, sitting pretty in terra firma, proudly producing fruit.

Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought a nursery was a calm, nurturing environment for new plants. If you’ve spent lunchtime in a middle school cafeteria, you’ll understand the cacophony of trash talk in a nursery before the planting season begins. All varieties and sizes of tomato plants occupy a sizable section of the store, ungoverned, like the pint-sized savages in Lord of the Flies. Calm…

New(ish) Books

It delights me when a nonfiction book I read for pleasure and not work unexpectedly provides professional insights. It’s a double whammy.

Sure, I can learn the lingua franca of technology management by reading business bestsellers like Good to Great (Hedgehog concept) or The Lean Startup (Build-Measure-Learn-Pivot concept). Often, however, books not classified as “business” yield the sweetest and rarest inspirational nuggets.

I chose each nonfiction book on the following list, ordered from newest to oldest, not only because they’re great reads but also because of the professionally meaningful insights I reaped from them. In this sense, it’s a personal…

Angsty Humor

Bisbee, AZ — According to Ronald Jackson, 45, parent of two teens, Ben, 15, and Alyse, 13, “My kids were scheduled for shots and tried to worm out of it after hearing anecdotal reports of emotional rollercoaster side effects. I told them to suck it up. Compared to these two prima donnas, a Nic Cage performance is restrained.”

Hearing loud noises from Ben’s room, Jackson stepped in to find his son raging, smashing childhood keepsakes. Fearing a vaccine-induced meltdown, Jackson yanked the earbuds from his son’s ears to hear Linkin Park’s Meteora album. Jackson left the room sighing, “Classic Ben…

Infectious Humor

Hans Schell here, proprietor of Bouncy Haus©. I rent bouncy castles for birthday parties, street fairs, and the like. Honestly, bouncy enclosures are all pickles from the same jar. It’s a commodity. Fancy marketing makes all the difference.

Who are you going to rent from, Bouncy Castles or Bouncy Haus©? Mine sounds classier, what with the nod to my German heritage.

I’m the inventor of the Pox Party©. The customer finds a kid with Chickenpox, tosses ‘em into the Bouncy Haus©, and stirs in a bunch of other healthy kids. Bounce for 30 minutes in the unventilated room. …

Policing Humor

Chevy Chase, Washington DC — Tabitha Powell, 3, is the youngest person to ever receive a moving violation in her tony neighborhood. A dubious distinction.

According to Officer Ryan Jenkins, “I was patrolling the quiet neighborhood street and came upon Ms. Powell riding her tricycle, haphazardly zig-zagging in and out of traffic. She craned her head, smiling at me with her big brown eyes and dimples, clearly seeking a smile in return. My heart melted, but at the same time, it’s illegal to operate any vehicle on a public road while under the influence.”

Neighbor Fatima Ranganathan shook her head…

Naturally Selection Humor

Urban mobility provider, Lime, is under fire from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), accused of using their customers as pawns in a cruel Darwinian experiment.

According to CPSC Acting Chairman Robert Adler, “Lime offers its customers progressively more dangerous transportation options, ranging from e-Bikes to e-Scooters to Mopeds. The e-Bike is a gateway drug like marijuana, enticing thrill-seeking consumers, and the e-Scooter hooks them like crack. So many people are hurt using Lime’s solutions that only the fittest of the species will survive their Mopeds. Frankly, we’re scratching our heads about the craziness of their business model.”

“Balderdash,”…